The Raw Truth About Grief: Pain Isn’t Love

Here’s the raw truth: Pain is pain. 💔

After losing someone to suicide, it’s easy to confuse pain with love. It feels endless, all-consuming, and sometimes like the only way to stay connected to them. But here’s what no one tells you—pain isn’t love.

• Love is not the hurt.

• Love is healing.

• Love is honoring the person who died.

• And love is moving forward.

What I Learned About Love After Loss

I learned this the hard way after losing my dad to suicide. For years, I held on to the pain, believing it kept me connected to him. But I discovered that real love after loss isn’t about holding on to the hurt—it’s about honoring their life by choosing to heal and live fully again.

Here’s what love after suicide loss really looks like:

1. Healing, Not Hurting

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means allowing yourself to rebuild your life while still carrying them in your heart.

2. Honouring, Not Holding On

Honour your loved one by living in a way that reflects the good they brought into your life.

3. Moving Forward, Not Stuck in Sorrow

Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving them behind. It means creating a future where their memory fuels your strength.

How Can You Honour Them This Week?

If you’ve been equating pain with love, I invite you to reflect on one way you can honour your loved one this week in a way that feels healing for you.

Write them a letter—say all the things you wish you could.
Start a small ritual in their name—light a candle, play their favourite song, or visit a place that reminds you of them.
Speak their story out loud—share a memory with someone, keeping their presence alive in your life.
Because staying stuck in pain dishonours both your capacity for healing and your love for them. You can heal and honour them at the same time. 

In love and peace,
Ash 🩷